Passing on a gift

Today I recieved a delivery of a food shop and the man delivering the shop was cooing over Carter. He asked if he was my first and I said no, my second. My first son Jude died at just under 5 months. I asked if he had children. He laughed and told me that he […]

Autumn colours 

This Autumn seems like the most vivid Autumn I’ve ever experienced. I notice the change of colours in the leaves like I’ve never before. I read on another beareaved mother’s post that after losing a child you experience joy as you never have before. And that is true in a way for me. Although happiness […]

Jekyll & Hyde

Since Jude died I’ve found my empathy levels off the scale in both directions. When my husband and I visited the Lake District before Carter was born I cried when I thought about lambs being killed for meat. I was never that person. Before Jude I never was too fussed about animal welfare. But that […]

Where do I belong? 

Since having my second son, Carter, I’ve started doing many of the things I expected to do with my first son Jude who died. Because Jude had SMA and a cold could have a knock on impact and result in his death we decided not to take him to any baby groups. Before Jude was […]

Remembering Day

I remember my son every single minute of every single day, so when we were invited to Shooting Star Chase’s Remembering Day I 100% wanted to go. My husband was happy to go to “support me” but wasn’t sure it would be his thing. But knowing the hospice always fed us well I was confident […]

New hair, don’t care

So after spending ALL my life with long hair, I decided on 5 August to have my hair chopped short. This may not seem particularly monumental or at all related to Jude but it was. I don’t think I would have had the confidence to do it before. But with our 8 week old Carter keep being sick […]