The thoughts of a mummy who is finding her way after her first baby boy died.

My first son Jude had severe Spinal Muscular Atrophy SMA Type 1. He passed away at 20 weeks and 2 days on 4 June 2015. Jude was officially diagnosed on 19 Feb 2015. We were told that he was only expected to live a couple of months. Jude surpassed all expectations.

Jude was a complete and utter gift to us. I could not be prouder of our content, brave son who we fondly called Poop. He brought us so much joy.

Since Jude died my husband and I are lucky enough to have another son Carter who does not have SMA. Carter was born on 10 June 2016.

Life has been a roller-coaster of emotions. This blog is for me to share some of the thoughts and situations that I’m encountering.

I started off by writing this as just notes for me to express how I’m feeling to myself. But after reading a poem I wrote about Jude at the hospice Remembering Day and a dad saying ‘thank you’, I’ve wondered if I should share more about my journey in the hope it might make someone else feel less alone who is on a similar path.

Jane – Mummy to Poop (Jude) & Pickle Pants (Carter) xx.