Remembering Day

I remember my son every single minute of every single day, so when we were invited to Shooting Star Chase’s Remembering Day I 100% wanted to go.

My husband was happy to go to “support me” but wasn’t sure it would be his thing. But knowing the hospice always fed us well I was confident he’d at least enjoy that aspect of the day!

We spent the day doing crafts, letting balloons off and listening to readings.

I always find it shocking seeing the other people on the day. People who I would walk past in the street and would never, ever guess had lost their child. People from all different walks of lives.

My husband and I chatted with another couple who were there with their two children. They were there in memory of their first son. We admired each other’s personalised jewellery bearing the names of our boys. We laughed that we spend Christmas and birthdays looking for more personalised stuff… How many mugs and keyrings can you have. It felt good. It felt good to be with another couple who understands. Who understands the significance of these things. 

We have been incredibly lucky that we are surrounded by thoughtful friends and family. I can’t begin to say how grateful I am to certain friends who always make the effort to include and remember Jude. They will never know how much I appreciate it. 

But being with another couple who understands how it feels to have their child taken was so refreshing. Talking with people who have the same conversations as we do. 

Their situation wasn’t identical but the end result was the same and being with a couple that had that commonality helped. 

I had been feeling an outsider being a beareaved mother – but here I wasn’t. 

My husband felt the same. The day had surprised him. It had been a helpful day for us both. Originally he’d wanted to get home early to go to a local event but when I had asked him if he wanted to leave he said no. I could see the day had been far more beneficial than I think he’d admit. 

I’ll finish this post thinking about the strength of one mother as she read this poem:

She is Gone

You can shed tears that she is gone
or you can smile because she has lived.

You can close your eyes and pray that she’ll come back
or you can open your eyes and see all that she’s left.

Your heart can be empty because you can’t see her
or you can be full of the love you shared.

You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday
or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday.

You can remember her and only that she’s gone
or you can cherish her memory and let it live on.

You can cry and close your mind,
be empty and turn your back
or you can do what she’d want:
smile, open your eyes, love and go on.

I want to have that mother’s strength. I want to live my life like this. Some days that feels a tall order.

Poop, I’ll try. I love you. Mummy xxxx

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