An open letter to those who have an opinion about memorials… This week this topic has been very much at the forefront of my mind for various reasons.
To the person who disapproves of my son’s grave:
Imagine your child having a son, your grandson. Better still imagine having your own son. A beautiful baby. Then imagine finding out that he was certainly going to die.
I’ll say it again. That he was certainly going to die. Soon.
And you are told to expect to only to have 2 months together.
Now imagine you do your best. You do your best to be a mother – a first time mother, and then also a nurse. Learning about his condition, learning what his normal is, learning what medication and assistance he needs. Anticipating all the time. Anticipating his needs as a baby – a baby who has little ability to move. Anticipating what may kill him. Shielding him. 24 hours a day. Not because you have to – because you want to. He’s your beautiful baby.
Then imagine he dies. Imagine that void.
Imagine how your purpose in life has gone.
Your purpose had changed the day he was born.
Now imagine the only way to ‘care’ for him still is to visit his grave and ensure it would be a place he loved. A place that reflected him.
When you try and continue with life, you go out and about and search for items that he would love so you can take them back as presents. So you know you are still doing something for him.
Imagine he was still here any mother, auntie or grandmother would buy presents for a child when they’d been away from them. It’s just my child is dead.
Imagine being my friend or colleague and not knowing what to say to me. I don’t blame you. I wouldn’t know how to comprehend what’s happened. But those friends who buy my son a windmill or something for his grave show me that they think of my son and that they are trying to understand. They show me that he isn’t forgotten. That I don’t have to face that fear also. That people will forget my little boy.
When you walk around to decide the ‘suitability’ of a memorials on a grave think about the person who is buried there. Their personality. Their likes. Wouldn’t it be better to learn more about them from some tributes?
Think also about the person who is grieving. Maybe this grave is their new purpose. Maybe just for now, or maybe forever. Does it really matter?
Always missing you Poop xxxx